Tolerating Challenging People: For those of you who are working on being positive, doing your best to see the best in people and in life, it can be tough to keep this up when you are around so-called challenging people.
What are challenging people? Well, to be honest, I try not to label people, but it does help me to note their behaviour. So rather than saying to myself ‘Jill is a difficult (or negative/argumentative/gossipy/untrustworthy/jealous etc) person I can say to myself ‘Jill is behaving in a difficult way today, I wonder how best I can support myself around this so I still feel good.’ This takes the judgement off of Jill and flags the behaviour, as well as seeking out solutions to feeling okay in spite of the challenge.
If you think of other people’s troublesome behaviours as a test to see how well you can handle it, it may motivate you to keep your positive focus and integrity. Complaining to others about the person rarely makes us feel any better, although we may do it to ventilate and let off steam.
In Rhonda Byrne’s book ‘The Power’ (author of ‘The Secret’) she suggests that we should think of these people as PETs, or Personal Emotional Trainers. Every challenge they present, she says, is an opportunity for you to turn away from negativity and blame and choose love. Don’t fall into the trap of judgement, guilt, fear or unworthiness. Instead turn away and look for the things you love in your life. This expands the good. Remember that there are times that we are also ‘PET’s’ for others too.
Beware of wanting to change other people too. Of course we often want others to do better, especially loved ones, spouses or children. But they have a right to be themselves and make their own choices too. A strong desire to change someone usually interferes with this right, and leaves us feeling disappointed and despondent as it seldom succeeds.
In EFT we can do proxy tapping for another person who is behaving in a difficult way. This is where you tap for someone else. Although I think that first of all it’s best to look at how we are affected by it and work with that. If we are calm and positive then other people’s behaviour is much less likely to bother us, and we are more objective.
This doesn’t mean of course that we should ignore bad behaviour that we really ought to act upon, or that we should tolerate mistreatment. Perhaps there is some action we ought to take and we can tap for this too, if we are holding back, for example to confront the person and let them know that they make you feel uncomfortable when they say/do this.
In this video I use Positive EFT, asking you to think of the feeling you get around the person who is behaving in a difficult way. Then to consider its opposite. For example, maybe you have been feeling annoyed around this person, and perhaps the opposite would be to feel happy or peaceful around this person. So for Positive EFT we tap on the positive, inviting that quality into our energy body when we think of this person.
Manifesting is something we do all the time if you follow the law of attraction theory, that our thoughts attract our experiences. Do you remember a time when you thought you would do well at something and you did? Or you thought something would go very well and it did? Alternatively, that you expected to do badly and that is what happened? Well there is a theory out there that what we think is very powerful, and whilst it isn’t the only force at play, we should choose our thoughts wisely.
In EFT we talk about the thoughts coinciding with how the energy body is doing. For example, if you were -5 on the SUE scale it is likely that you are experiencing stress thoughts, can’t think clearly and are experiencing fear. Likewise, a +5 shows up as feeling positive emotions, confidence and happiness. Fortunately, with modern energy EFT it is now possible to change our thoughts remarkably quickly if we so wish.
So, in terms of attracting things, what do you want to attract? Some of the things people work on ‘manifesting’ might be (and there are of course millions of things):
An enjoyable meet up with a friend
A nice outfit for your upcoming special occasion at the right price and that you feel really good in
A loving relationship (or more loving one if you are in one already)
Having more money
A nice holiday
A new car
A job that you love
A tidy home
Publishing a book
And so on. You can be as exotic or as simple as you like in manifesting things. Even just focusing on something you would like more of is a positive step in itself. If you are experiencing some kind of problem or stress, rather than thinking about how you would like this removed, what might you like to experience instead of it? For example, a peaceful relationship with my boss, or money comfort as opposed to ‘my boss stopping being difficult’ or ‘no money worries’. See the difference?
When using EFT to manifest things, I advise getting as high up as you can on the SUE scale when you think about that thing. According to the law of attraction, that makes it almost certain to come about!! There are of course other factors at play, namely the highest good. If something is not for our highest good then it would be very convenient if we did not manifest it, right? And being at +10 on the SUE scale is a great place to be and I like to think in alignment with our highest good. Have a look at this video to see how you might use modern Energy EFT to manifest what you want.
The other thing to remember about manifesting is that when you regularly think about this thing you want, as though you are celebrating that you already have it, this helps to attract it. Vision boards are a very powerful tool in manifesting as well as affirmations.
EFT for Study:EFT (emotional freedom techniques, tapping one energy meridian points around the body to improve energy flow) can help us when we are struggling to study. It can also help parents, by the way, of teenagers who have exams coming up, more about that later in this blog.
So, what are the qualities we need to be able to study? Motivation? I heard an interesting slant on this by Professor Steve Peters, author of The Chimp Paradox. Steve points out that we hear so much about motivation, and yes it is a good thing, however it is also fickle, emotion driven, and constantly requires topping up. Commitment, on the other hand is something we can rely upon as it has a high prediction of success.
How committed are you to study for your exams just now? See if you can rate it on the SUE scale below, minus 10 = as uncommitted as you could possibly be, and +10 is as committed as you can possibly be. If you are in the minuses, EFT can help.
In this video, I begin with a short visualisation where you imagine yourself having just finished your exams and feeling really good about it. Visualisation is a very powerful technique that informs the brain of what is possible and inspires action thoughts to help create that. Afterwards I lead a tapping round on being committed to this vision and of being calm and supportive to self in this desire to do your best.
You can also use Positive EFT using the words of qualities while you tap that you would like to invite, such as:
And suchlike. If your exams are leading you onto another goal, such as getting into a certain college, job or course you can tap on that as well. Positive visualisation about the future in this way is another helpful approach to succeeding.
For parents, being calm and having confidence in your ‘child’ will benefit as opposed to high anxiety and worry. When we worry for someone (and as a parent, I know it can be hard not to at times) it gives the message that we don’t believe in them and expect them not to succeed. This can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy in some cases.
Tapping on the word ‘calm’ for yourself is a great place to start, and you can also proxy tap for the student as well. There are many ways you can do this, even by tapping and saying the words ‘focus for Sarah’, or ‘commitment for Jack’ can be effective proxy tapping approaches.
When we proxy tap there is no real way of knowing how effective it is, but we know that it doesn’t do any harm and can help us feel more relaxed and as though we are doing something. I have used proxy tapping in many situations and found it very useful.
If you would like to work with me, in person in North Kerry or internationally via Skype please get in touch.
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