Stop Saying Should: When you say the word should, how does it feel to you? I should lose weight. I shouldn’t have said that. I should have remembered. I shouldn’t have a messy home. And so on… When we direct the word should at ourselves -and others- we are often in the mindset of judging.
I have all but removed the word should now from my self-talk vocabulary, and instead I say ‘I want to support myself in…’ if I want to achieve something or not repeat something, or words to that effect. I focus on the positive. The words we use are very important, even when we are thinking those words.
Why not call to mind a time recently when you used the word should or shouldn’t about yourself and have a go at replacing the wording with ‘I choose to support myself in improving this,’ or use your own words that fit. See the difference? How does it feel to be supported into improving rather than should-ed?
I know it can be hard when you feel you have repeatedly failed at something that involved self-discipline or something that you ultimately have control over. And I am not suggesting we shed any responsibility for our actions or omissions to act. We are, after all, the creators of our own experience to a large degree. And sometimes I like the sports brand slogan which says ‘just do it’ because that’s what I feel I need to do.
So how do we achieve the balance in helping ourselves move forward with our goals or in being the best we can? Call to mind a time when somebody really inspired you to do something well. What was it about them that inspired you? Think about whether it was a judgement or threat, or if they were being encouraging and nurturing. Whichever one it is you could safely say this approach works for you and so you can try to create that for yourself.
I recall an occasion at secondary school of a teacher giving me such wonderful encouragement, I felt totally inspired to go on and work hard at the project in hand. I also recall other times of being should-ed and not feeling inspired, but rather feeling disempowered. It can be hard to understand if you have grown up with a lot of criticism. It can feel as though this is the only way to motivate yourself, through shaming and blaming. If this is the case I invite you to try out the more supportive approach and see how it is.
In this Modern Energy EFT video I am working on this theme of not saying should, and instead we invite the energy of support. Since if we support ourselves to make positive changes we are more likely to move forward. If you are tapping along and you want to evolve and keep tapping, have a think about what other qualities besides support you could tap on.
Releasing Negativity: We all experience negativity sometimes, but some more than others because of their personality, disposition, beliefs about life and the world and what we saw our parents behave like growing up.
What do we mean by releasing negativity? Well, to me that usually means letting go of negative thoughts and feelings, and replacing these with positive ones. Negative thoughts are ones such as:
I am no good at this (self-depreciating thoughts)
I wish I hadn’t done that, maybe I’m stupid or just bad (guilt and shame)
Life is hard and people treat me badly (victim thoughts)
I’ll never have good things (hopelessness thoughts)
The weather is always so bad (unappreciative thoughts)
The world is such a dangerous place (doom and gloom thoughts)
I miss them so much I can’t bear life without them (grief)
What emotions accompany these types of thoughts do you think? How do they make you feel in your body when you think this way? Reflect on your negative thoughts and beliefs. Get familiar with them in order to change. They can be much subtler and harder to weed out sometimes too, so you have to dig around a little.
Work with a Counsellor or EFT Master Practitioner or other suitable trained professional if you find this too difficult on your own. They will see your blind spots and guide you in the right direction.
You can’t just release things and have nothing, as that creates a vacuum, and inviting in positivity naturally moves the negativity along anyhow. So what would you like to think and feel instead?
From an EFT point of view, negativity is also an energy, just like positivity and so you can invite in positive energy with positive EFT. This in turn can change our thinking as you can’t feel positive and think negative thoughts very easily! Tapping for more: energy, joy, luck, money, adventures, love, friendship, nature, calm, peace, holidays, harmony, luxury, relaxation etc can bring your positivity levels up.
On the SUE (stands for subjective units of experience) scale rate how you are feeling just now. If you are in the minuses it is certain that you are experiencing more negative than positive. At zero it is pretty balanced, and in the plusses you feel more positive the higher you go. Ever notice how much easier your day goes when you are feeling positive?
If you are feeling negative look at the thoughts that accompany/feed this and ask yourself what might the opposite thought be? For example, the opposite of ‘I am no good at this’ might be ‘I am great at this.’ ‘I wish I hadn’t done that, maybe I’m stupid or just bad,’ might become ‘it’s okay that I don’t get it right all of the time, I learn from my mistakes I love to support myself in making good decisions.’
In this video I use modern energy EFT to invite in more positive energy, in order to release negativity.
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