Do you find it hard to say no to people? If so, you are not alone. Some of us hate to disappoint, upset or lose favour with others. If saying no doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t worry, you can learn.
Why is saying no difficult for some people?
– A fear of letting other people down. – The worry that saying no might make the other person angry. – A habit of putting others’ needs before your own. – Wanting to be seen as obliging and helpful – and not selfish.
Always saying yes to people can leave you feeling exhausted and shows a lack of self-care. It can be even harder to break the cycle as others’ learn that you will always say yes, and expect this. When you decide to change, you’ll also need to re-educate those people about your new stance. Some may find it strange, and even put the pressure on more at first – but hold firm and they will learn. When you say yes to something that compromises you – you are saying no to yourself.
Why it’s good to say no to things that don’t support us:
– Having good boundaries is a sign of strength and self-worth. – It is helpful to others who have a tendency to take all the time, to know that you are no longer supporting that. If people take you for granted, you are making the problem worse by letting them get away with it all the time. – It preserves our energy and supports balance and wellbeing. – It means we have more time to do things that matter to us.
Useful Tips:
– If you are not sure how to answer a person when you want to say no, it’s okay to say: ‘I’m not sure, I’ll check this out and let you know soon.’ This gives you time to prepare your response. – If someone was to pressurise for an immediate answer, I would refuse, simply because asking for more time is a reasonable request and they have been disrespectful by not allowing that. – Keep it short and simple: ‘Sorry but I’m not available.’ Don’t give endless reasons why – it’s probably none of their business. But if you do tell them, always tell the truth. If you keep justifying why you are saying no, you show that you are totally uncomfortable with it and are open to persuasion. – Be polite. Look them in the eye. Just because you are saying no, doesn’t imply that you are mean, don’t like the person, or don’t respect them.
As we raise energy flow through the energy body it also helps us to feel more empowered. Being a doormat or people pleaser always leaves you with less energy. Give yourself the gift today of saying no when something is asked of you that doesn’t feel right.
Need more help with this? Try out the Energy EFT video below or book an EFT session with Susan. Any questions? Get in touch.
The words we say and think about ourselves are powerful. If you keep describing yourself this way, you, and others will see you that way. Instead why not say ‘I am helping myself to feel more confident,’ or even better, use an affirmation. Affirmations are statements which affirm what you are working towards or hoping for is already so. Example:
I am confident and love speaking with other people
I enjoy public speaking and feel good about it
Or whatever it is that you feel you can’t do right now and would love to be able to, turn it into your own affirmation. Read it and say it many times each day.
Practise those things you find challenging every day
Practise makes perfect. Think of it as a workout of sorts, strengthening those confidence muscles. If you are serious about evolving out of your shyness you need to roll up your sleeves and do some anti-shyness workouts on a regular basis. If you find yourself avoiding talking to others, find small opportunities to do so. Make small talk at the checkout, it’s fine to comment on the weather if you are not sure what to say, one step at a time. Make that phone call you have been avoiding making, rather than sending a text or email.
Use your Mirror to Help You
Ever talk to yourself in the mirror? Have a conversation. Warning: If you have never done this before it is possible that you will feel super-silly and awkward the first few times. It gets easier though. Enjoy saying good morning or good night to yourself, and ‘how is your day going?’ Why would I do this? Because it’s practise. The more you do it the less icky it feels and it’s really no big deal. It’s also very affirming to say hi to yourself. It’s possible that some people’ shyness is worsened by not having a great relationship with self. Is this the case for you? Make friends with yourself, and you will be easier to make friends with.
Watch how confident, non-shy looking people do things and learn
….Not so you can say to yourself ‘I’ll never be like that.’ You won’t – because you are you. But what is it that you admire about the way they carry themselves, the things they talk about, their mannerisms, their air of confidence etc? Can you imagine any of these things translated onto you in your new way of being? Get clear about what changes you would like to achieve for yourself by being inspired by others. It’s quite different from trying to emulate or copy them.
Below is a video from you YouTube channel you might enjoy and find useful for overcoming shyness also. If you like it, please share with others who might benefit, and subscribe.
People go on about having me time, but what is that and who has time for it anyway? Life is so hectic these days, so many people complain. I myself am a multitasker, and have lots of pots on the boil. Me time is something that would have at one point been considered wasteful or indulgent. Until I learned the value of it, and how easy it is to fit it in even when I am busy.
Me time doesn’t have to be a day in the spa, but if it is then great. Or a week on a Greek island for that matter. But if you are pressed for time and/or money, think of self-nurture as baby steps. Think of salt and pepper me time. That is, you can sprinkle it in here and there.
Some ideas for busy people:
“You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day — unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.” -Zen proverb
Learn different ways of breathing and try these out throughout your day. For example, while waiting in a queue, waiting for your child at school, waiting for attachments on an email, etc. Pranayama, in Yoga, has many different types you can try out without anyone really knowing that you are doing that if you are in a public place.
Read a chapter of a book you have been meaning to read each day. If you leave this until last thing, try to avoid reading in bed as this can make you sleepy. Sometimes reading is much more satisfying than watching TV, surfing the internet, or scrolling aimlessly through social media sites.
Exercise every day – if you can take the stairs instead of the lift, do that. If you can go for even a short brisk walk during lunch, do that. Take movement breaks if you work at a desk and are sitting a lot during the day.
Get a pedicure or massage, or other pamper treatment.
Listen to a guided visualisation (get my free ten minute one here) either first thing in the morning or at any time you can fit in during the day.
Meet an uplifting friend for a cuppa – and just enjoy the chat and being present.
Switch off the internet on your phone – so many of us have smart phones now that are constantly interrupting what we are doing, sounding notifications for this, that or the other. I often switch off the Wi-Fi and data, that way if there is anything urgent people can still call me but I’m not being pulled away by social media messages. Things that can wait for their allotted time to be attended to.
Try out a new recipe – enjoy shopping for new ingredients and the smell of delicious food being cooked. Have fun!
Affirmation:
‘I love having me time every day, and the people around me also benefit.’
This is so true, whether you are a parent, a boss or employee, a student – the people around you benefit from you taking me time and looking after yourself. It also models to others a good way of looking after yourself. It shows that you respect yourself and people respect you more in turn.
Here is an Energy EFT video to help you to create more me time.
There are many ways in which people block prosperity or abundance from coming their way, and I’d like to focus on 8 in this blog. You’ll notice that most of them are centred around beliefs, but also behaviours. Our thoughts are very powerful.
Non-deserving – the belief that we don’t deserve any better. That we don’t deserve to feel at ease around money and the knowing that there is always enough and we are always provided for. This can be rooted to issues of self-esteem. If you don’t feel worthy of receiving, you will energetically push prosperity away.
Telling yourself you are useless with money. This belief pushes money away as we fear that if we get it we won’t know how to handle it, will fritter it away or someone will somehow snatch it off us.
Thinking ‘Money doesn’t like me’ – the belief that money mustn’t like you because it never comes your way, always choosing someone else. This is what the video is aimed at.
Scarcity mindset and outlook. Scrimping and scraping. Talking all the time about how you can’t afford this or that, or this is too expensive. This is very challenging to get out of if you are in the habit of it and the universe seems to reflect that there isn’t enough, there’s no real way of getting more and you are in a space of fear.
People will be jealous/bully me/hate me if I am prosperous. This is an issue around safety, and feeling unsafe to be more prosperous can show up as a block.
The economy is bad – focusing on this all the time pushes prosperity away from you as it is another form of scarcity mindset. I don’t suggest people to bury their head in the sand, but alter the focus to what is good, what is working, what you are receiving. You must be receiving something (air, water, food), right?
Complaining all the time and being negative – and the quickest answer to this is to write a daily gratitude list. There is always something to be grateful for, no matter how challenging things are. You can bring yourself into a more positive mindset this way.
Prosperous people are bad/materialistic/ego-driven etc. You name it, if you feel that being prosperous makes you bad somehow you will make sure that it doesn’t happen to you.
What I recommend to correct these = Energy EFT tapping!!
Energy EFT (and Angel EFT) is something you can work on yourself. That said, do work with an experienced Master Practitioner for more complex or ingrained issues or if you are not progressing when you try on your own. I also help people with these issues with Angel EFT sessions.
Here is a video aimed at the belief ‘money doesn’t like me.’ Try Energy EFT for any of the above. Tap on the positive. Instead of ‘useless with money’ tap on ‘I am getting good with money, more and more each day.’ Tap on a positive affirmation of your choice.
All of these are in the minuses on the SUE scale. In order to increase your experience of prosperity, you need to get up into the pluses and anchor yourself there.
If you’d like to enjoy 24, laser-focused, exclusive prosperity energy and mindset videos, why not head over to the Prosperity Energy Club Archives?
‘When I loved myself enough… I came to know my own goodness.’
– Kim McMillen.
Would we say the same to someone else as what we say to ourselves? Sometimes we can be our own worst critic and are the ones harshest on us of all if we make a mistake, omit to do something that we ought to have.
If you give yourself a hard time about things, start to reflect on how useful this is. Who is it serving? Is it helping you to do better? Quite probably not. When we make a mistake, if we use it as an opportunity for growth and learning, we can improve. By asking the question, ‘how can I do better the next time?’ we support ourselves to do better.
The mind on auto-loop: Some people give themselves a hard time over and over about something. This can be agonizing and eats away at their self-worth. Again, they wouldn’t dream of doing this to a good friend, but to themselves, they keep on and on, wagging the finger.
One strategy to overcome this is to have a ready rehearsed response that you teach yourself to say each time that judging, unforgiving thought pops in.
Example
Judging thought: You are no good as a _____ because you ______
Pre-rehearsed response: You are learning ways of being a great _____ all the time, and each day you are getting better and better.
The mind can run on auto-pilot, so if you were to do this, a little thought and preparation need to go into it. The more you respond with the rehearsed response, the more the mind takes it into the subconscious. It becomes your new, more helpful belief.
Exercise:
List any things you recognise you find hard to forgive about yourself and be open to spotting them over the next few days to catch any you didn’t remember today.
Write these down and then underneath each one write down a more helpful statement, such as the one above called the ‘pre-rehearsed response.’
Practice saying these out loud and in your mind, and keep the page in a safe place so you can refer back to it. The more you practise this, the better it works. You are re-training your brain, and persistence pays.
Guilt and Shame:
Guilt is where we regret something, whereas shame is quite deep-running and is more about what we think of ourselves as a person. Shame can be a very destructive emotion, and those who suffer from it might be best to work with somebody, such as a Wellness Coach or Modern Energy Tapping (or EFT) Master Practitioner.
In Energy EFT there are several approaches to overcoming unforgiveness. You can tap on a positive such as ‘forgiveness,’ or ‘compassion’ to invite these qualities for yourself. Another technique is to talk about the thing you feel bad about whilst tapping around the points. Remember though to de-stress first. Otherwise, you can end up taping on stress talk and not experience improvement.
The video below is a brief demonstration of using Energy EFT to overcome unforgiveness to self.
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