Do you find it hard to say no to people? If so, you are not alone. Some of us hate to disappoint, upset or lose favour with others. If saying no doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t worry, you can learn.
Why is saying no difficult for some people?
– A fear of letting other people down.
– The worry that saying no might make the other person angry.
– A habit of putting others’ needs before your own.
– Wanting to be seen as obliging and helpful – and not selfish.
Always saying yes to people can leave you feeling exhausted and shows a lack of self-care. It can be even harder to break the cycle as others’ learn that you will always say yes, and expect this. When you decide to change, you’ll also need to re-educate those people about your new stance. Some may find it strange, and even put the pressure on more at first – but hold firm and they will learn. When you say yes to something that compromises you – you are saying no to yourself.
Why it’s good to say no to things that don’t support us:
– Having good boundaries is a sign of strength and self-worth.
– It is helpful to others who have a tendency to take all the time, to know that you are no longer supporting that. If people take you for granted, you are making the problem worse by letting them get away with it all the time.
– It preserves our energy and supports balance and wellbeing.
– It means we have more time to do things that matter to us.
– If you are not sure how to answer a person when you want to say no, it’s okay to say: ‘I’m not sure, I’ll check this out and let you know soon.’ This gives you time to prepare your response.
– If someone was to pressurise for an immediate answer, I would refuse, simply because asking for more time is a reasonable request and they have been disrespectful by not allowing that.
– Keep it short and simple: ‘Sorry but I’m not available.’ Don’t give endless reasons why – it’s probably none of their business. But if you do tell them, always tell the truth. If you keep justifying why you are saying no, you show that you are totally uncomfortable with it and are open to persuasion.
– Be polite. Look them in the eye. Just because you are saying no, doesn’t imply that you are mean, don’t like the person, or don’t respect them.
As we raise energy flow through the energy body it also helps us to feel more empowered. Being a doormat or people pleaser always leaves you with less energy. Give yourself the gift today of saying no when something is asked of you that doesn’t feel right.